Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
