remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
