24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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