i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
