with your own penis?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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