im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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