Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize