why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
