Whod you bang
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
