Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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