just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize