PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
