You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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