Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
