mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
