I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
