and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
two words...techno handjob
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
