So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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