quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
