You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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