i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
