i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
