do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Rumble strips road head = magical
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
