people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
