I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
