all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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