Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You ate ashes out of my bong
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
