ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
