She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
