I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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