WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
