You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
