So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
