You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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