Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
