How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
