he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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