Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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