I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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