Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
