DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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