guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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