My sheets look like a crime scene.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
