Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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