YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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