It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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