im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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