I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
