I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
