Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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