i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
