Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
