after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
