She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
