I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
