I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
