he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
