hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
