to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
