is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
