i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
