We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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