What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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