Me too!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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