For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
