Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize