if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
