Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
